I haven’t even really been alone for that long this time, but something happened this go around. I’ve learned the pitfalls and weaknesses of my person. I am incomplete, my rough edges have yet to be smoothed. I was humbled and defeated.
I still miss her. I doubt she misses me but I think that’s part of understanding myself, is understanding the reason why she left me behind. why it had to be done. I wish I could apologize. properly this time, not through tears or regret for what I did or didn’t do, but I wish to speak to her soul using words she knows are from my heart. idk how it would effect, or if it even would. she pretty much deleted me from her, she didn’t want to deal with these three months of deep dark soul searching that I’ve been dragged through.
I’ll go to university and be better than what I think of myself, I really have to be. I’ll be thinking of her at times and other times I’ll forget her name and replace it with a feeling.
I hope she gets to see the new Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. she’s gonna love that shit.